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How a one-on-one "date" is
different than just doing other
special activities with your
children:

Whether it's baking cookies, or taking
them to the zoo, we all put forth
plenty of effort to give our kids the
good life by spending time with them,
exposing them to different activities,
and trying to instill in their minds that
we love them. And that's all good.

The difference portrayed in this article
is that our children have unique
temperaments and different ways that
they truly feel loved, or different
"needs" if you will.

All children need some undivided
attention from both parents. This
means more than just 5 minutes of
tossing a ball around, or 10 minutes of
reading a book. This article really
suggests being INTENTIONAL about
two things:

> 1. Make sure the activity is giving
your child FACE-TIME. Literally
having eye-level contact with them,
such sitting across the table, in a small
& quieter restaurant, while enjoying a
treat and each other's company - and
making it FUN & ENJOYABLE - not
just another task of "hurry and finish
eating!" Or making sure the activity is
ENGAGING, where you're talking
together - like teaching them to bowl,
then cheering & giving them a
'high-five' when they knock down a
pin.

> 2. Study your children to gain a
better understanding of WHO they are
and WHAT they like. If you're really
trying to do something SPECIAL for
them, be sure the activity you choose
will fill their love tank. Going to a
library together might be great for one
child, but going to a park and hanging
on monkey bars might be better for
another.

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Planning a Date With Your Child
Consider activities that are meaningful to them - From Preschool Life, Spring '09

By Kelly Rush

In every family, it’s important to schedule one-on-one time with each child, particularly when
opportunities for quality time become less frequent. Occasional “dates” can be a fun change of pace and
may even be a solution to a season of behavior challenges. Perhaps your three-year old is suffering from
“middle-child syndrome” or your kindergartner is missing out on the time spent with Mom or Dad before
entering the independent world of elementary school.
Whatever the reason, getting out of the house and spending face-time with your child is essential. It is
also important to carefully consider which activity you choose to do together.
I found this out when I planned a date with my three-year-old daughter. For several days we both
anticipated this special time to go shop and play at the mall. We’d end our “date” with a special treat of
her choice.
It didn’t take long, however, before I realized that something didn’t feel right as my daughter tagged
along beside me, her eyes viewing the mall only at thigh-level. Not fun! We stopped shopping and went to
the play area, where I sat and watched her take turns climbing and sliding with other tot-sized strangers.
Feeling like I was neglecting her again, I made an attempt at being more involved by following along with
her. But we weren’t truly playing together, and I got the feeling that this probably wasn’t the quality time
she needed from me.
Finally, for her special treat, we sat next to each other at Dippin’ Dots, but those frozen beads of
chocolate mint ice cream were too cold for her little cheeks, and she was done after three bites (and
$4.00!).
As I speculated over what went wrong with our one-on-one time together, I remembered our first
mommy-daughter date. I took her to a bookstore with a gift card to spend. I assumed it would be a
special time for the two of us to sit and look at books together, but that idea didn’t turn out to meet her
individual needs. She’s never been one to sit still for very long. By the time we left, it seemed that her
favorite part of the bookstore excursion was checking out the bathroom! I should’ve known she’d rather
be playing at the park.
When it comes to activity, she has a need to be engaged in discussion, to explore, to role play or
physically burn off some energy.
In the past couple of years, I’ve become more aware of my children’s temperaments and love languages.
While my oldest daughter enjoys reading books together in a quiet environment or shopping for a pair of
shoes, her younger sister needs to talk, make noise, move around or explore with her hands. That’s why
she would enthusiastically choose something that engages her over sitting in a bookstore.
I’ve also learned that when she needs time with me, she really needs ME—not just the part of me that’s
rushing her along in the mall while I shop for a sweater, and not just the part of me that’s preparing a
snack for her in between checking my e-mail. Other activities that satisfy her need for face-time are
simply sitting on the floor together and playing a game, or my actively listening to her tell her silly stories
or whatever happens to be on her mind. Having an understanding of what makes my children unique has
meant that I’m better prepared to give them the time and kind of attention they need from me.
Creating special activities can result in a meaningful experience and memory for your child. No matter
how your child’s interests may differ from yours or their siblings, it doesn’t take much effort or planning
to have quality time with your kids, just a little undistracted face-time and an awareness of their unique
interests.

Related Links:

See my recommended "date" (activity) ideas

See list of links & resources that will help you to better understand your child

See other articles in Spring '09 issue of Preschool Life (PDF version will open with Adobe Reader)